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About Varied / Hobbyist SpiffyFoxMale/United States Recent Activity
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SpiffyFox

Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
There are some strange things on the internet

This may apply to me

As it probably does to most people
by someone's estimation at least

So fair warning:
You may find me strange.


I am a fox!
Well, at least I think that I may be a little like one sometimes.
Careful, quiet, shy, and maybe even witty.
I do like to see people smile, so that may be why I'm a little silly.
I thought I was gay, but I'm for equality!
So I'm asexual.

If you're curious, feel free to ask me anything!
ANYYYYYTHIIIING.
I may not want to answer, but you can still ask.

Activity


I'm still kicking! I managed to sew a vest for myself, which is pretty darn nifty, having made something I can wear from cloth and thread! Not exactly art submission worthy, but still feels like a heck of an accomplishment!

Working out design and the finer details for my fursuit before I start cutting and sewing things together.
Fascinating and a fun challenge to put everything together, plan, and make sure it all fits.
Though there's not much of artistic value to show for it just yet, hopefully it will save me from making something that doesn't fit!
That would be even less aesthetically pleasing!

Been playing a lot with color and fur pattern as well, so I may have something to show for that if I can ever figure it out...
It's harder than I thought working with a limited palette of colors!
That may result in art though! So stay tuned!

I'm also writing about a touchy subject, from my observations, and hope to provide something informative that might offer some insight for those that might like to read about it.

It's about depression.
I wonder if that made anyone cringe?
I talk about drama! Go on, read it! It'll be fun!

...Well, okay, 'fun' might be a strong word to use there.
Informative or interesting at least!
This here:
  Depression: Disease vs. emotionTo me, depression is no sulking despair over some painful moment in my life. It is not a temporary defeat at having failed to achieve something, though it can certainly make such events more painful.
To me, depression is a baffling injection of pain or despair into life, that can be absurdly disproportionate to what could otherwise be simple problems, or little bumps in the road. Or sometimes for no reason at all - pain, despair, hopelessness, a loss of the sense of value to any other living being, for no reason, or for ridiculous reasons.
A little voice in my head that whispers to me how worthless I must be, how broken or defective I must be. And to those who have not felt this irrational despair - this uninvited intrusion into their mind, it can be hard to see more than the results. The severe damage and pain caused by an invisible force, seemingly all brought on by the often painfully visible, simple, or what could easily be seen as 'unreasonable' triggers to such an adverse reactio
Reading around a bit, I get the feeling that the word 'depression' seems to mean different things to different people, and I notice this has been a source of conflict between people who could otherwise empathize with each other, at least on the level of feeling an overbearing pain and despair, rather than argue the importance of 'moving on' or simply 'getting over it' when the other seems to resist or discount these tactics as offensive and useless.

I believe this is because there are two distinct meanings that can be gathered from the word 'depression'.
And I think that one's personal experience will tend to shape their initial perception of the word.

There are those that see it as a temporary state - an emotion. A powerful emotion brought on by severe circumstance. One that often lingers for a long while, but does eventually pass, and can be overcome with some willpower and support in a comparatively short time.
And in this case, if that is truly the ONLY source of the depression, then learning to move on is indeed sound advice.
Accepting the ups and downs of life is an excellent way to face down these learned fears head on, and overcome them.

However, this is not always the case. There is another definition to this word, that once again, is based on personal experience.
In this case I will speak from my experience - it may not be the same as all the others who suffer, but I want to try and shed a little light on a very difficult and complex subject.

To me, depression is no sulking despair over some painful moment in my life. It is not a temporary defeat at having failed to achieve something, though it can certainly make such events more painful.
To me, depression is a baffling injection of pain or despair into life, that can be absurdly disproportionate to what could otherwise be simple problems, or little bumps in the road. Or sometimes for no reason at all - pain, despair, hopelessness, a loss of the sense of value to any other living being, for no reason, or for ridiculous reasons.
A little voice in my head that whispers to me how worthless I must be, how broken or defective I must be. And to those who have not felt this irrational despair - this uninvited intrusion into their mind, it can be hard to see more than the results. The severe damage and pain caused by an invisible force, seemingly all brought on by the often painfully visible, simple, or what could easily be seen as 'unreasonable' triggers to such an adverse reaction.

A pin drops, and a world is shattered, and the only logical conclusion available is not the invisible claws of some insidious demon, clawing away at the edges of the mind, but the observable experience, and the word that seems to mean simply: the painful emotions brought on by hard times.
Let's say it's the mosquito that wakes a bull in a china shop.
And all that can be seen is the mosquito and the resulting destruction.
It might seem a bit ridiculous if you have no knowledge of the bull.

It's not always easy to tell what sort of depression one may be dealing with until you get to know the person experiencing it.
That is because this monster can easily disguise itself as something else. If something severely horrible happens to someone, I think it's safe to say there will be some level of pain or sadness. I think emotional pain is likely for both those who suffer from this disease, and those who do not, in the case of severe trauma. So it can often disguise itself and shift blame to the individual struggling to take their mind back, when it takes them much more effort or time to recover. Because there is often no perceptible source for the additional pain present for one who suffers from this chronic malfunction, it can be easy to attribute it to 'drama.'

To those who know only of the temporary feeling, it will often seem to be an over-reaction. Some will think that the sufferer is simply full of drama, or seeking attention, or perhaps they may simply be trying to jump on a bandwagon. (Occasionally this can be the case, which, while despicable to the degree of pretending to have cancer for attention, can be dangerous to confront. Should the presumption of pretending be incorrect, this can cause immense damage to someone who is genuinely suffering beyond their control.)
And all this can feed the monster no one else can see.

So the sufferer, possessed of a despair they cannot control nor reason away, hears the same words this darkness whispers from their peers: "You are a source of problems."
And thus their fears become manifest through the nature of the disease.
This makes it grow stronger, and the individual can become more lost in this dark maze they are trying to work out.

If you have told someone to just 'get over it' or to reason it away, please, consider what these words may mean to someone who, despite their desperate attempts to do just that, fall time and again to a beast that many, many people will tell them does not exist.

If you suffer from this wasting disease, know first that you are not alone, and that the fault for this malfunction is a thousand times more likely to be the fault of genetics, or trauma you could not defend yourself from. No one would choose this. Depression as a disease can be caused by more than genetics too - over many years, a mind can be warped by abuse or stress.
Just as it can take many years for the functions of the brain to fully develop, a significant disruption in that development, such as chronic depression, can take many years to overcome.

Sometimes all it takes is a smile, a gentle reminder someone is thinking of you, or to remember the good things that can so quickly slip away in the dark. With enough work, I believe one can begin healing, and learn at the very least how to defend themselves against this invasive disruption.
It takes a lot of time and work to re-program the brain to find ways around this, but it does seems to be possible.

A beautiful, stained glass window might only look like a worthless pile of broken glass when it has been crushed. But look for the potential in the broken, and understand that for some of us, it could take many, many years, and much work and support to 'just get over it,' and find all the pieces of our minds. Because what you can see, is the just tip of the ice-burg for some.

I still wonder sometimes if it's all in my head.
Perhaps it is a little too much information for those who have not experienced this incomprehensible feeling.
I often think I should not mention it, because it is likely to make others uncomfortable.

But maybe, just maybe, someone will read this, and find they are not the only ones who are trying to find their way in the dark.
Maybe someone, who has been understandably confused by this invisible killer, will at least be more able to spot the signs of it's presence.

It is not an easy topic to discuss openly, but maybe that can be changed over time.
I think understanding is the best way to make peace.
And I hope someday there will be no shame in admitting to such an affliction.

Imagine if the crippled were routinely ridiculed and blamed for being broken - it sounds absurd, doesn't it?
How appalling it would be, but I'm sure it's happened still.
I think it happens even more often for those who suffer from a much less tangible malady.
So I think this is one of those that needs to be made more visible.

Just please, when offering support, remember that being very sad for a time is much different than a persistent disruption of normal brain function, even though the results might appear similar.
It's sort of like how it wouldn't be very helpful to tell cancer patients you understand what they're going through, because you had a weird bump that you thought might be cancer once.

Clinical depression is one of many afflictions that is not easily discernible, because it can hide itself for years, or look very similar to an excess emotion - but it's not just a feeling that passes with time.
It is a disease that costs lives. And it uses the sufferer's hands to do it. I don't think suicide can be a rational decision when there is still hope.
And there is hope, but it will often be too dark to see that anymore.

I feel it is not something that should be kept a secret. It should not be a shameful thing. It feeds off shame and grows more powerful, and consumes the minds of people with so much potential.
I think with a little time, one can learn to discern between this disease, and the over-dramatic.
If all else fails, I think it's worth the risk of mistakenly catering to the overly dramatic, if there's a chance they actually suffer, and a kind word might lend them a spark of light in an otherwise very dark world.

And if you suffer, and hear only the uninformed judgements others decide on, remember they are about as accurate as anyone who talks about something they know nothing about.

It can be hard to learn about something that seems to make no sense.
But there is a pattern to it, and if you learn enough, you'll be able to spot it.

If you still feel lost, send me a note, and I'll try to offer a little direction or clarity.
I don't know all the answers, but that hasn't stopped me yet!
Depression: Disease vs. emotion
If the title or the topic makes you flinch, please read on, I hope to try and explain that.

If the topic affects you personally, again, read on, you are not alone.

I write this from personal experience and observation, with the desire to share information and understanding on a very complicated subject.
This is, of course, not all-inclusive by any means. So your mileage may vary, and all that.

Feedback and questions welcome!

Edit: The first few paragraphs got eaten for some reason, I've re-added them.
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Wow, what a trip that was!

I thought it might be fun, but I never would've guessed how much!
Emotional too: it's been a long time since I've really felt like I was a part of a community like this.
I felt it at Furthemore, a smaller con in Virginia, but even more-so at AC.

Normally crowds terrify me, but despite there being thousands attending, it felt a bit safer for some reason - everyone was there for similar reasons. We all had something in common.

Socialization can be very awkward at times, and that doesn't just go away, but it didn't really seem to matter so much anymore.
It felt like it was simply accepted, because we're all a little bit awkward sometimes, so why let it muck things up?

The feeling I got from meeting others who were there... it seemed like for most it is a very sincere form of expression.
Kind of a way to look on the outside like you feel on the inside.
Or at least closer to it.

It has made me rather happy to be a part of the sort of community that seems to embrace differences and quirks, rather than demanding some sort of 'normalized' standard.
It certainly feels like there's still an order to it all that keeps the peace.
A sort of code of acceptance.

I think part of it is because we're all there to be more like who we want to be, rather than how we feel we should be.
Of course, who everyone is, is vastly different than most any other, so the strange or unusual becomes simply a kindred spirit, looking for the same freedom to be as they wish to be.
I feel there's no reason to interfere with someone else looking for the same sort of freedom I desire for myself.

Did I meet some creatures I found strange? Without a doubt.
Were there times someone seemed awkward? Absolutely.
But none of that mattered - I'm sure there were plenty of people that found me strange and awkward too.
So I was in good company.

Even when someone did something like tripping over their words, or mumbling when they couldn't think of how to say something, or saying something altogether unexpected - it wasn't bad, or unpleasant.
Because I hear the pauses, or the faltering, and I am reminded of how often the same thing happens to me.
I am reminded it's okay to be like that. I'm in company that understands what it's like to not be able to find the right words sometimes.

So it gives me a freedom to connect without so much fear of ridicule.

How wonderful it is to see the unique expression of so many different individuals as well.
How much more bright and colorful a world it is, when those around me are more concerned with what they feel in their heart, rather than what they feel they should be, to fit in.

I think sincerity is a very beautiful thing to see.
And I think it's inspiring when the sincere expressions, from so many different people, can come together and still find harmony.

That sort of colorful harmony really feels like something special. It feels right.

I couldn't possibly recall every friend I made or familiar face I saw, and I would hate to forget anyone, so the short and simple of it:
There was not a single soul I met, that I did not enjoy meeting.

Maybe I was just lucky, but I didn't have to look far to find someone I could relate to in some way.

So if we met, know that I was glad for the company, simple as that!

This was nothing short of an amazing experience.
I really hope to make it next year as well. We'll see if I can.

Regardless, this will be a memory I will always hold close to my heart.
I am finding it is easier to let go of the memories that hurt, when I find ones that heal to hold onto instead.

And I have met many kind friends I have to thank for these wonderful memories.

The fursuit parade went outside for the public this year for the first time.
And thanks to the generosity of my friends, I was able to participate in this, rather than simply watch.
I had never expected to see the streets full of cheering crowds.
Or all the smiling children, lined up along the opened route, from start to finish, with their hands out for a chance to get a high-five.
Some of them even in costumes of their own, little capes fluttering in the wind as they waited for their chance to interact.

I think the spark that comes from honest expression is spreading.
It seems to get bigger every year, and I think people are starting to catch on - the freedom to sincerely express yourself in harmony with others can really be something magical.
And I think we could all use a little more magic like that in our lives, furry or otherwise.
Pattern making is a bit harder than I had first anticipated, but I think I've got it down! We'll see after we're done sewing... which should be today, actually! Because...

Super special thanks to :iconmithryanna: for lending me an awesome sewing machine to help with the sewing that needs to be done for my suit!

This will save me countless hours of hand sewing! Which I had actually been considering... in the sort of way one considers walking several miles rather than using wheels.

Although I do not think Scraps will be done in time for AC - I've still got to work through a lot more minor details I hadn't anticipated would take so long! The jaw is the worst, really. I think I might actually have it finished, but it's taken two days of work.
Two days ish.. I haven't been sleeping much, so that may contribute... haha, I'm having too much fun, I just lose track of time! Working away, and I notice the sun coming up, and I'm like, "Wait, when'd it get dark out?" So, that's a pretty good indication of how much sleep I've been getting... which I've fixed now! Because I was starting to burn out. So I slept last night, for some number of hours that should be plenty to catch up.

As much as I'd like to finish everything before AC, I might need to sleep a little more beforehand, considering last con (which was my first!) I was too busy having fun to sleep! I mean I did sleep, but significantly less than was healthy.

That and I still need to decide where to put what colors I have, and if I should get any others... 'cause my palette is kinda limited, unless I want to buy more fur. I never thought it would be so tricky to color a dog!
Which is what I think Scraps will be, a mutt, of a calico sort of coloration! Just gotta figure out where to put everything now...

I've got plenty of black, but mostly black seems kind of dull, so I'll have to get creative with the other colors I have! Which is a little bit of white, a small roll of brown, and some grey scraps.... oh, and plenty of BRIGHT NEON ORANGE. Which, in retrospect, may not have been the most appealing color to have a few yards of... but it's what was there!
It should be good for highlights and markings though - I'll just need to balance the other colors so I don't look like I'm Halloween themed. Although this would not be entirely awful, maybe just a little odd...

I think I might try practice coloring more pictures...
I don't want to have all sad journals, so, I am pleased to say I will be going to Anthrocon this year!
Thanks to a friend for offering me space in their room, I can afford to go this year!

How exciting! I really hope I can get Scraps finished by then, though I might be in a bit over my head trying to finish my first fursuit in a week...
I'm still going to try! It's fun anyway!

In other news, I have all the materials I need now, so it's just a matter of building and planning and sewing.
Dollar stores are the best for unexpected salvage opportunities! I need rubber to make footpaws, but where to get that? Rubber to walk on by the sheet? I had no idea, and it sounded expensive.
Then I saw a bunch of cheap sandals in the dollar store... you know, those ones that are basically just a rubber sole and strings/plastic?
That's just what I was looking for! So I got all the rubber I needed and then some for $3.

Overall, I think my costs have come to about $400, although probably $150 or more was tools I needed, and of course the fur was free scrap. And I still need to pick a simple sewing machine, with maybe a zigzag stitch... I'm trying to figure out if I can get a half decent one for less than $100, so any suggestions are welcome if anyone knows a good brand or whatnot.

Whatever happens, I'll be going to Anthrocon, tail or not! Woohoo!
I'm still kicking! I managed to sew a vest for myself, which is pretty darn nifty, having made something I can wear from cloth and thread! Not exactly art submission worthy, but still feels like a heck of an accomplishment!

Working out design and the finer details for my fursuit before I start cutting and sewing things together.
Fascinating and a fun challenge to put everything together, plan, and make sure it all fits.
Though there's not much of artistic value to show for it just yet, hopefully it will save me from making something that doesn't fit!
That would be even less aesthetically pleasing!

Been playing a lot with color and fur pattern as well, so I may have something to show for that if I can ever figure it out...
It's harder than I thought working with a limited palette of colors!
That may result in art though! So stay tuned!

I'm also writing about a touchy subject, from my observations, and hope to provide something informative that might offer some insight for those that might like to read about it.

It's about depression.
I wonder if that made anyone cringe?
I talk about drama! Go on, read it! It'll be fun!

...Well, okay, 'fun' might be a strong word to use there.
Informative or interesting at least!
This here:
  Depression: Disease vs. emotionTo me, depression is no sulking despair over some painful moment in my life. It is not a temporary defeat at having failed to achieve something, though it can certainly make such events more painful.
To me, depression is a baffling injection of pain or despair into life, that can be absurdly disproportionate to what could otherwise be simple problems, or little bumps in the road. Or sometimes for no reason at all - pain, despair, hopelessness, a loss of the sense of value to any other living being, for no reason, or for ridiculous reasons.
A little voice in my head that whispers to me how worthless I must be, how broken or defective I must be. And to those who have not felt this irrational despair - this uninvited intrusion into their mind, it can be hard to see more than the results. The severe damage and pain caused by an invisible force, seemingly all brought on by the often painfully visible, simple, or what could easily be seen as 'unreasonable' triggers to such an adverse reactio

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:iconspiffyfox:
SpiffyFox Featured By Owner Edited Mar 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you everyone!!
Reply
:iconflyingram:
FlyingRam Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015
Happy Birthday! :dance:
Reply
:iconspiffyfox:
SpiffyFox Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you thank you!!
Reply
:iconspiffyfox:
SpiffyFox Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I love all you guys!
Reply
:iconsquirrelbits4u:
Squirrelbits4u Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
-pinches nose- Boop.
Reply
:iconspiffyfox:
SpiffyFox Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
*sneezes*
Reply
:iconsquirrelbits4u:
Squirrelbits4u Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
AHNOOOOO SPIFFYSNOT
-cleans it-
Reply
:iconspiffyfox:
SpiffyFox Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Not my fault! It was dust or something!
Reply
:iconxglide:
xglide Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Student Writer
happy birthday! :hug:
Reply
:iconspiffyfox:
SpiffyFox Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!! <3
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